For months before this show came out, rumors were running wild. Directors, writers, producers leaving, joining, taking control of the show. Rewrites, reshoots, recasting. Allegations of inappropriate behavior behind the scenes. Essentially all the ingredients for this to be a giant mess. (A quick Google search will tell you all you need to know). These rumors served as kind of a Don’t Worry Darling-esque marketing campaign, which is to say that they created buzz that wasn’t there before. It worked on me. I was intrigued. Could this show really be that bad? And even if it was bad, would it still be fun to watch? It did come from the mind behind Euphoria after all, a show that I really like.

The answers to those questions are yes and no. Yes, it really was that bad. And no, it was not still fun to watch. I’ve watched plenty of “so bad they’re good” movies and shows before. This is not one of them. This show is so bad that it was actually painful and unpleasant to watch. If the series wasn’t only 5 episodes, I don’t think I would have finished it, but I felt like I had to see it through.

I’m not saying this just to jump on the bandwagon of hate against this show that has been very strong online. I also don’t want to comment on any of the real-life issues of what went on behind the scenes. I just want to give my opinion of the show which is that it is legitimately awful and makes no sense. It’s clear that storylines and character arcs were started and abandoned and new threads and ideas were introduced out of nowhere. It’s impossible to tell what anyone’s motivations were from scene to scene. The show tries to present that as mystery and intrigue but it just comes across as bad writing and storytelling. I don’t know if I could even explain what the show was about and I’m not going to waste my time or yours trying to because it doesn’t really matter.

Lily-Rose Depp as in the lead role was better than I was expecting, but the show does not serve her at all. It actually does the opposite. It feels like it actively works against her to try to make you not take her seriously as an actress and just see her as a pretty girl in the tiniest outfits you’ve ever seen. The Weeknd, who plays the second lead, is more well-known for his music career than his acting and we are all better for that. With the director regime change, The Weeknd became a producer and made the executive decision to expand his character’s role. He was involved in the writing and other production decisions as well. This is the only explanation for him even being included in the show because he is such a terrible actor it actually makes me like his music less. I just can’t look at him the same way after watching him try to be this character.

Whatever you do, don’t watch this show. Do not let curiosity get the better of you like it did to me. I can promise you it is not worth it. This is a show that teenagers will tell their friends they actually liked because they think it will make them seem edgy when the show itself is not even edgy, just nonsensical and painfully unsexy. There are a lot better terrible shows you can waste your time on before even spending a minute thinking about this show. Sam Levinson (creator/director) and The Weeknd should be embarrassed. (Although they did lead me to my first scathing review which I have to admit was the most fun part of this whole experience so thanks I guess?)

2023 Count: 13 seasons, 33 movies, 1 special