I went into We Live in Time fully prepared to sob. That’s almost the intention of this kind of movie: to make you cry. And sometimes it’s nice to have a good cry. So I was ready. But something shocking happened. I didn’t cry. My eyes welled up a few times but I never actually shed a tear. If you know me or have read this blog before, you know that I’m a crier. So this is very unusual for me. I was so concerned I thought I might have to contact my doctor to find out if there was really something wrong with me. But after further analysis, I realized the point of this film isn’t actually to make you cry. I mean, don’t get me wrong, it definitely does intentionally pull at the heartstrings and half of my theater was sobbing. But, really, the film is about balance. The natural balance of life. All of the good, bad, happy, sad, fun, exciting, heartbreaking, devastating, maddening, beautiful moments that happen throughout our lifetimes. Sometimes things get really sad, but then something funny will happen to balance it all out and pull you back from the brink of tears. You never get too much time to linger in one emotion before a new one, a new experience, comes in and takes over. Nothing lasts forever. Nothing is permanent. Not even feeling happy or sad. 

We Live in Time follows Almut (Florence Pugh) and Tobias (Andrew Garfield), a couple who must navigate her possibly fatal cancer diagnosis and an uncertain prognosis. You can see why I expected it to be sad. And it is, at times. But it is also surprisingly funny and SO sweet. Florence Pugh and Andrew Garfield are both incredibly talented and have amazing chemistry. She is so effortlessly cool and magnetic and he is adorably dorky and awkward but still charming. I was instantly invested in their characters and their blossoming relationship. Also, I think it’s been well established how I feel about British people and their accents (could listen to them talk all day). 

So what separates this movie from just being another run-of-the-mill cancer drama (with an above-average cast)? The structure. We see all the greatest hits of your typical romance: the meet-cute, falling in love, the first fight, meeting each other’s families, the marriage proposal, parenthood, cancer diagnoses and so on – just not in that order. The movie jumps all over the place through different time periods to find the couple in these various moments. At first it seems like an interesting choice because we pretty much already know how the film will end from the very beginning. Normally, that would undercut any narrative tension. But We Live in Time shows us that it’s not the order that matters, it’s the moments themselves. From scene to scene, time period to time period, we’re invested in the journey no matter where it leads. We just want to see these two people together interacting. And, yes, we do let ourselves fall for false hope that maybe the ending we know is coming won’t ever actually come. But the word “time” is uttered so often, it just underlines that ticking clock we all feel while at the same time proving that time is irrelevant. The structure plays like our memories, jumbled and out of order but with the same emotional punch. Almut and Tobias’ memories become our memories and memories are all that we’re left with. The movie depicts a simple story of real people in a real relationship and reminds us that effective love stories are composed of moments large and small.

Andrew Garfield’s role in this movie, in particular, felt especially notable. He has spoken a lot about the idea of grief since losing his mother to cancer, so the emotion he portrays in the film is all the more real. His public statements were on my mind while watching the movie. If we’re being honest, I think Andrew Garfield’s personal mediation on grief in the media might be more insightful and compelling than this entire film (not a knock on the film, just a compliment to him). He is just so well spoken and thoughtful and pure in his feelings. I both smile and cry every time I hear him speak on the topic. That being said, I really want to let his thoughts speak for themselves because he says it better than I could ever summarize it. But one main pillar of his perspective is essentially the famous quote from Wandavision: “What is grief, if not love persevering?” When talking to Stephen Colbert he said, “I love talking about it so, if i cry, it’s only a beautiful thing. This is all the unexpressed love, right? The grief that will remain with us until we pass because we never get enough time with each other…. I hope this grief stays with me because it’s all the unexpressed love that I didn’t get to tell her. And I told her everyday.” In conversation with Anderson Cooper, he said, “Yeah [the grief is] here now. The longing and the grief, fully inhabiting it and feeling it, is the only way I can really feel close to her again. The grief and the loss is the only root to the vitality of being alive. The wound is the only root to the gift.” Most recently, Garfield spoke to Elmo (yes, Elmo) in a conversation that I think is incredibly important for both adults and children alike. He shared that it’s okay to miss somebody. “It’s actually a lovely thing to feel in a way because it means you really loved somebody when you miss them. She made me so happy, so I can celebrate her and miss her at the same time.” These messages, that grief can be good instead of scary, that missing someone can be happy instead of sad, that feeling your feelings and not running from them is a gift that connects you to being alive, are transformational. Also, in a strange twist of fate, I happen to be writing this on the eve of my grandfather’s yahrzeit, so processing my feelings through this lens feels especially meaningful right now. I can’t stress enough how powerful these ideas are and how amazing I think it is the way he speaks about it. I highly, highly recommend watching all of these interviews yourself. Oh, and guess what? I definitely fully cried watching all of them so no need to call the doctor! I’m cured!

Garfield’s other point is about the language we use when talking about cancer or any illness really. He told Anderson Cooper, “I don’t like the idea of ‘defeating’ cancer. It doesn’t feel fair to me that that language is used, because my mom fought until she couldn’t fight anymore, and it doesn’t make her not a success story. I reject the idea that she was defeated in any kind of way by any kind of thing.” Some people drew comparisons with this sentiment to a quote from Norm Macdonald: “I’m not a doctor, but I’m pretty sure that when you die, the cancer dies too. That’s not a loss, that’s a draw.” Not only do I love this viewpoint, but I also think it aptly applies to the film. Almut’s major struggle is to not have her life (or death) be defined by this battle or this disease. She wants to prove to her daughter, and herself, that she lived a full life and made something of herself. No matter how or when her life ends, she made the most of it and that’s the part of her that should be remembered.

I understand this is a movie that may hit too close to home for some people, but if you do feel up to watching it I would recommend it. I think it’s a beautiful story that is so well acted. It’s sweet and funny and serious and heartbreaking and moving and feels so real and fully formed. There is also an incredibly wild birth scene that is unlike anything I’ve seen before (not graphic or gross, don’t worry) that is worth the price of admission alone. I hope people will check this one out and maybe also reevaluate our perspectives on grief and loss.

2024 Count: 27 seasons/specials, 54 movies